As you peacefully rest, I can’t help but wonder what you can see. The faith I’ve been raised with has become apparent in the last several weeks as we’ve watched you quietly and humbly drape one foot in your Heavenly home. In between the rough and sleepless nights you seem to have, there are sweet moments you give us that set our minds and hearts a little bit more at ease. Your breathing is becoming slower, words are very few and far between, and your once sparkling eyes rarely open, but your infectious smile shows when we need it the most. I know you’re ready. You’ve been ready from the moment your groom took his last breath. You wept as you saw him lying in his casket, and I knew at that very moment that our time with you had become very limited. Your heart is no longer here. And not only is it with your love, it’s with your Heavenly Father. You want to wake up, open your eyes, and see Him. You’ve endured a life full of more pain than most, and I have no doubt a bejeweled crown awaits you at Heaven’s Gates. Grandad will be there. Drew will be there. And among others, a precious great-grandchild I didn’t have the heart to tell you was on its way. Your welcoming committee will be like no other. Angels will sing and the streets will shine. You’re embarking on a paradise that is beyond my wildest imagination.
Over the course of the last few weeks, my mind has been racing with thoughts of you. I’m incredibly thankful I was able to spend precious moments with you before things declined so rapidly. Through tears, we shared memories and told each other how lucky we have been to have each other. I laid with you through the night, jumping at the sound of beeping machines. I held your hands in times when it was comfortable for you. I brushed your long hair that I envied so much as a child. I painted your nails bright red at your request. I read your daily devotion out loud and intently took the words in. I watched the joy come across your face as family members and friends alike trickled in, one by one. My goodness, you have touched many. Too many to even count and more than you’ll ever know.
I wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, knowing your time is near. Even though I know you’re ready, I’m not sure I am. Selfishly, I want more time. Actually, if I had my way, I’d turn the clock back and experience special moments again and love you just a bit longer. Memories have been flooding back recently. Memories of my childhood, but even more than that, it’s the lessons you taught and the legacy you’re about to leave behind. You have been the most influential woman in my life. You’ve taught me to go through life with grace and passion and no matter how many times I fail, you’ve taught me that success is found in getting back up. You’ve taught me the importance of hard work and the value each person on this planet has. You’ve shown me what true and loyal love means, and that even through the hard times, you remain steadfast in your relationship and you never, ever give up on the one you love. You’ve taught me to remain humble, yet shown me that true Southern women can contain a feistiness that can’t be matched. I’ll never forget the times we shared. The laughter we couldn’t contain. The summer vacations I would come visit at the lake and get homesick. Now, I’m homesick for you. I’ll never forget you rounding up your rowdy grandkids and taking us to the pool every single day in the hot Texas sun. You never complained. I’ll never eat at Dairy Queen again and not think of you. Your amazing artistic gene wasn’t passed down to me, but I’ll think of you every time I use a piece of your hand painted china, or when I look at the hand sewn Barbie bridal gown you let me take home just a few short weeks ago. I was never allowed to touch it as a child and now it’s actually mine. I’ll forever treasure my very first pageant dress you made. At just a tiny three years old, I took home that trophy and I know the dress is what won the title. To this day, it still hangs in my closet. I’ll forever remember your fanatic love for your Dallas Cowboys, and even in your last days, your request to “put the game on.” They will never have a bigger fan. In my meeting with Emmitt Smith not long ago, I was sure to tell him how much you loved him and how loud you’d yell as he would play. That made him smile. You make everyone smile.
I have many moments of sadness. Text updates come across my phone daily, and I find myself holding back the tears and trying to stay strong.
You’re ready. You’ve got this. You have lived a long, unbelievably amazing life. The ones you leave behind will grieve. But we rejoice because you have been able to go out the way you wanted. We have done our best to honor your wishes and I can only hope we as a family have done you proud. I know you’ll arrive in Heaven, and I’ll gaze into the sky and see sunsets only you could have painted. You will always and forever be with us.
I recently heard a song that seems to fit our relationship more than any words I could ever write.
You think I’m strong
You think I’m fearless
Even when I
I’m in my weakest
You always see the best in me when I can’t
I wanna be
The girl you think I am.
You think I’m brave
You think I’m beautiful
You think that I
Can do the impossible
You always see
The best in me when I can’t
I wanna be
The girl you think I am.
This is what I will strive for. Every single day. For you.
You are loved more than you know and treasured beyond belief. Now, it’s time for you to earn your wings and wear that crown. You’ve done well, good and faithful servant.
Over the course of the last few weeks, my mind has been racing with thoughts of you. I’m incredibly thankful I was able to spend precious moments with you before things declined so rapidly. Through tears, we shared memories and told each other how lucky we have been to have each other. I laid with you through the night, jumping at the sound of beeping machines. I held your hands in times when it was comfortable for you. I brushed your long hair that I envied so much as a child. I painted your nails bright red at your request. I read your daily devotion out loud and intently took the words in. I watched the joy come across your face as family members and friends alike trickled in, one by one. My goodness, you have touched many. Too many to even count and more than you’ll ever know.
I wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, knowing your time is near. Even though I know you’re ready, I’m not sure I am. Selfishly, I want more time. Actually, if I had my way, I’d turn the clock back and experience special moments again and love you just a bit longer. Memories have been flooding back recently. Memories of my childhood, but even more than that, it’s the lessons you taught and the legacy you’re about to leave behind. You have been the most influential woman in my life. You’ve taught me to go through life with grace and passion and no matter how many times I fail, you’ve taught me that success is found in getting back up. You’ve taught me the importance of hard work and the value each person on this planet has. You’ve shown me what true and loyal love means, and that even through the hard times, you remain steadfast in your relationship and you never, ever give up on the one you love. You’ve taught me to remain humble, yet shown me that true Southern women can contain a feistiness that can’t be matched. I’ll never forget the times we shared. The laughter we couldn’t contain. The summer vacations I would come visit at the lake and get homesick. Now, I’m homesick for you. I’ll never forget you rounding up your rowdy grandkids and taking us to the pool every single day in the hot Texas sun. You never complained. I’ll never eat at Dairy Queen again and not think of you. Your amazing artistic gene wasn’t passed down to me, but I’ll think of you every time I use a piece of your hand painted china, or when I look at the hand sewn Barbie bridal gown you let me take home just a few short weeks ago. I was never allowed to touch it as a child and now it’s actually mine. I’ll forever treasure my very first pageant dress you made. At just a tiny three years old, I took home that trophy and I know the dress is what won the title. To this day, it still hangs in my closet. I’ll forever remember your fanatic love for your Dallas Cowboys, and even in your last days, your request to “put the game on.” They will never have a bigger fan. In my meeting with Emmitt Smith not long ago, I was sure to tell him how much you loved him and how loud you’d yell as he would play. That made him smile. You make everyone smile.
I have many moments of sadness. Text updates come across my phone daily, and I find myself holding back the tears and trying to stay strong.
You’re ready. You’ve got this. You have lived a long, unbelievably amazing life. The ones you leave behind will grieve. But we rejoice because you have been able to go out the way you wanted. We have done our best to honor your wishes and I can only hope we as a family have done you proud. I know you’ll arrive in Heaven, and I’ll gaze into the sky and see sunsets only you could have painted. You will always and forever be with us.
I recently heard a song that seems to fit our relationship more than any words I could ever write.
You think I’m strong
You think I’m fearless
Even when I
I’m in my weakest
You always see the best in me when I can’t
I wanna be
The girl you think I am.
You think I’m brave
You think I’m beautiful
You think that I
Can do the impossible
You always see
The best in me when I can’t
I wanna be
The girl you think I am.
This is what I will strive for. Every single day. For you.
You are loved more than you know and treasured beyond belief. Now, it’s time for you to earn your wings and wear that crown. You’ve done well, good and faithful servant.